how do i put this delicately? some people take themselves too damn seriously. they set their personal standard really high for everything they do and when they fail (which is inevitable because they have unrealistic expectations of what they are capable of) they beat the crap out of themselves emotionally and in some cases physically. i know this all too well. last night i had a flashback of my more vigorous/stupid/perfectionistic/younger self.
you see, when i was younger i was extremely competitive. i had ridiculous goals set for myself. i was a wrestler. when i lost a match i beat myself up mentally because i knew, i just knew i could have beaten that guy. if i had just done this one thing differently...and then i would get home from the match and, without even changing out of my gear, i would go for a 3 mile run. i would run so fast that i would literally collapse when i got home. and then i would lay in the backyard until i had enough strength to stand and continue to replay the match in my mind until i had found a way to beat that guy. this could take over an hour. needless to say, i was not a pleasant person to be around at these times.
this was only one aspect of my life. it carried over into everything i did. at least anything that i thought i was good at. everything else was just stupid anyway...right?
a couple of years ago i realized that this is a very impractical, pathetic, stupid and downright miserable way to live one's life. i still enjoy a good competition, but not because i like to win. i enjoy peak performance--people at their best. so i have developed an alternative to over-the-top aggression: simply match your opponent. that's it really. play at their level and that way no one gets hurt.
in my apartment complex we have a swimming pool game called powerball. it is vicious, aggressive, brutal, no-holds barred and lots of fun. pure adrenaline rush for the entire duration. the general idea is that you have two teams, one ball, one goal. each team is trying to get the ball into the goal at all cost. there are a few rules: no drowning (intentionally), no biting/kicking/scratching etc. and when the ball goes out of the pool, the other team gets the ball. very simple. (sigh) yet it is never that simple. at least when people get carried away.
last night we played powerball. i have played the game several times and i knew the capabilities of most of the other players. i picked my main target for the game on the other team--a guy who is very strong and very scrappy. and very much like my more vigorous/stupid/perfectionistic/younger self...we'll call him "bob."
i tied bob up. i kept him out of the game for most plays. it is strategy. bob is one of their best players, so it was to our advantage to keep him away from the ball. especially since he doesnt know when or how to let up--even when girls are playing (no offense, but there are very few girls who can compete with the brute strength of guys like this). well, bob didnt like it.
one of the advantages i have in a game like powerball is my wrestling background. i know how to keep someone preoccupied (mostly because they dont know how to get out of moves) while still keeping myself open for plays and such. i can grab and release very quickly. that's all i was doing to bob. i would grab him, hold him in place and wait to release. bob thought i was out to get him. so he spent all of his energy trying to get away from me. so i kept doing it. over and over and over until he snapped.
he was near the goal and the ball was right in front of him. i grabbed him from behind. i had his left arm with my left hand and i had my right arm wrapped in front of his neck latched onto his left shoulder (pretty basic wrestling move, actually, and the only way it could possibly hurt is if the person leans forward. believe me, i know how to choke someone, and to choke someone like bob requires both hands. this was one handed. infact, there is a very simple way to get out of that move--lean back and spin). after someone scored, he screams "you cant grab my neck!" and pushes me away (i also know what it's like to suffocate or be choked to the point of passing out. he had no trouble breathing or yelling for that matter). frustrated, he got out of the pool only minutes later.
here we have a classic example of someone taking themselves too damn seriously. he is like this in everything he does. i have played football with him too. when ever he misses a pass or gets deflected or something like that he yells at himself and does this "half pissed off bull, half pouting toddler" walk and glares at the ground. "come on, bob! what where you thinking?!?! that sucked!!" pathetic.
i guess what im really trying to say is that if you are going to go all out in a sport and be as intense and aggressive as you possibly can, dont puss out when someone else does the same thing just cuz you cant keep up with him. there, i said it.
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