I <3 ART

some people dont really like video games. most of those people think they are a waste of time. i actually really like video games, but im not going to bother convincing those who disagree with me. that's their problem. one of the things that i enjoy about games is the visual art. yes, it is art. you can even get a degree designing this stuff.

just look at this stuff. these pictures are all from world of warcraft.

this one shows the screen for when you die. even that is pleasant to look at.








well, "blizzard" is hosting an art contest based on their games. you can check out the contest and prizes and such here http://www.blizzard.com/inblizz/contests/artcontest2006/.

this is my entry.

THE SHORT BUS TO WORK

i have a friend who is currently interviewing applicants to the bowling ally she manages. she asked me if i had any suggestions for crazy questions to catch them off guard. here are her examples of crazy questions: "if you were a hotdog, would you eat yourself?" "what is your favorite movie?" i wouldnt say i am a great interviewer, but...these are my crazy questions. enjoy.

do you like beef hotdogs or kosher hotdogs?
do you have a flip flop collection?
can you spell 'insinkerator?'
do you watch "yes dear?"
have you ever had a lice inspection? if so, did you pass?
have you ever driven a car without a license on your person?
are you ticklish?
do you use pens or pencils?
have you ever puked on a date?
have you ever been puked on, by a date?
have you ever kissed your mother?
have you ever kissed my mother?
do you like sleep overs?
name ten candy bars.
can you please stop farting?
chicken: fryed or rotisserie? go!
describe yourself in three and a half words.
im missing a sock, can i borrow one of your's? just for the interview of course.
do you listen to hip hop? if so, why?
do you eat cottage cheese from the carton?
have you ever spilt milk and cried...alot?
have you ever dressed up as 'tigger' for halloween?
do you like pretzels for their nutritional value?
do you prefer the taste of fiji water over dasani?
while growing up, were your neighbors hippies?
have you ever had a dog who swallowed a needle...and died?
have you ever laughed so hard you peed just a little bit?
do you like to bake?
if you were ghandi, what would you ask muhammed ali the boxer?
can flying squirrels really fly?
if you were a pansy, what color would you be?
may i have this dance?
would you like to give a shout out?
what part of your nose would you change?
how long do you think you will last here?
david lee roth or sammy haggar?
what was your favorite part in "rambo: first blood?"
did you go to LHS too?
is there any reason i shouldnt fire you?
have you ever salted a slug/snail and fed it to your cat?
do you eat tofu?
did you play the flute in fifth grade?
is it ok if i call you by pet names? (if yes) do you prefer "snuggles" or "handsome rob?"
if you were samoan, what would your name be?
would you rather be the "slow child at play" or the "deaf child at play" in your neighborhood?

I R NOT HOMELESS

we finally did it. after much running around without heads...er beds, we finally moved into our new home yesterday.

<==== look at it. all nice and quiet, and not the villa.

it has been a bit of a headache this last week (not having a home and such) but we are waaaay excited to be moved in. and dont worry, moydie took care of the turtles.

soon we will set up our "i hate the villa" website (we already have an "educational" video for it). i'll keep you posted.

MINNIE THE MOOCHER

so, i am still homeless. well, i still plan on being homeless--i havent actually moved out yet. we have gone through whole bunches of options and it looks like we will stick around town for a bit, go down to southern utah for a while, hike mount timpanogos, and crash on a few couches. it should work out. we can put most of our stuff in our new place in a spare room. we still need to figure out what to do about food and my pet turtles. i will probably have to put them in a tote and leave them in my car. they wont like it, but what else am i supposed to do?

MIS-ADVENTURES IN FAST FOOD

i went to taco bell today for lunch. they were under-staffed, so i got to sit and watch the people around me for about 15 minutes while i waited for my order. here is what i saw:

first i noticed a young couple. i am not sure if they were married or just dating. she was in a tank-top and jeans, early 20's blonde, all around cute girl. kind of ditsy/popular-crowd and full of energy--you know the type, laughing very loudly at her own jokes, etc. this could have been caused by the "rockstar" energy drink she was sipping on. her guy-friend...exact opposite. he had a clean cut "prep" hair cut, white shirt and business tie. kind of tired/bored looking, like he just got off a 12-hour night shift at an accounting firm during the peak of tax season. he didnt laugh at her jokes. but she didnt seem to notice.

the next couple i saw wasnt quite as entertaining. they were clearly married. she wasnt a big girl. about 5'4" and 125 pounds. but she was about twice his size. he probably ran cross country.

next i saw a guy who had ordered before me. as he went up to get his order, i saw his mustache. holy freaking cow. this guy was something straight out of tombstone. he had the longest mustache i have ever seen outside of a county fair. the waxed part was about three inches by itself. i did a triple take just to make sure. i dont think he noticed. simply amazing.

but all is not good-humored side shows at tacobell. i did see something rather distrubing while i was there. at about the time i saw "super-stache man" a middle aged lady came in. she was about 5'2" and 225 pounds. she smelled of cigarettes and looked like she hadnt showered in about 5 days. as she approched the counter, she waved at the workers in the back. bad sign. after a couple minutes, the general manager came out to talk to her. the lady pulled out a paper and handed it to the manager and said something about the doctor not letting her do something. my interest perked and i hear her say, "but the doctor doesnt know what it is. so i explain, 'i work at fast food,' and he said he didnt want me...ya know, for a few days." the manager says, "so how long is a few days?" she looks at her hands very carefully and says, "i dont know, three. but if it clears up before then, ya know." the manager says, "just call me." then the lady waddles out the door.

CHOOSY BEGGARS

so, does anyone else see the irony in the fact that i have a full time job, a car, close family within an hour drive, and yet as of august 19 i will in fact be homeless? just wondering...




cause...that's actually what's happening...



as of right now the plan is that bryce, chad and myself will spend ten days in the wilderness. i still plan on going to work, and if all goes according to plan, we will have a generator and a fridge too! we might even take up the computers and a tv, who knows.



at least we are not these guys.

COMMON COURTESY? I'LL TAKE TWO PLEASE

there are certain things that you just dont do. for example, it is impolite to bowl at the same time as someone in the lane next to you. talking in the men's room is a 'no no'. asking girls why they go to the women's room in packs (honestly, why?). ok, maybe that one is ok. but you should never stare at the physically handicapped, make fun of the mentally retarded, or (lets just throw this one in for fun) flake out of a road trip you have been planning for months with other people because you decided to date your uncle (in-law), or how about dropping out of a two man volley ball tournament just three days before it starts thereby screwing over your partner because you are going on a last minute camp out with your niece who baled on a road trip she had been planning for months with other people because she decided to date her uncle (in-law).

im not bitter.

HOW MANY PICS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A WORLD CUP?

eight, apparently. or is it four? you decide.














actually, i have nothing to say about the world cup. i have watched a total of about three games in my life. so the pics are going to be more of a game. i have removed the soccer ball from these pics. so all you have to do is guess where the ball used to be. fun fun.







what else can i say in between pics...hmmm. i could tell jokes! k, here we go. did you hear about the blonde chick who died raking the leaves? she fell out of the tree!












so a texan, a russian, and a new yorker go into a restaraunt and sit down. the waiter comes and says, "excuse me, but due to a shortage we have no meat." the texan pipes up and says, "i dont understand, what's a shortage?" the russian says, "well, i dont understand. what's meat?" and then the new yorker says, "and i dont understand. what's excuse me?"




funny hospital charts:
Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.
The patient refused autopsy.
Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
The patient has no previous history of suicides.
She is numb from her toes down.
On the second day, the knee was better, and then on the third day it disappeared.
Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
Skin: somewhat pale but present



Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly woman whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P.S. Sure is hot down here.

funny phrases:
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
After a number of injections my jaw got number.
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
We must polish the Polish furniture.
The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.







two rednecks go out hunting. one of them gets bitten by a snake and collapses to the ground. the other guy luckily has a cell phone and calls 911. the man screams, "i think bubba's dead." the operator says, "ok, calm down. first thing we need to do is make sure he's dead." there is some silence, then the operator hears a gun shot. the redneck comes back on and says, "ok, now wut?"

DEATH BY VISUAL AID

ok, this one doesnt need this many pics to explain, but i found so many good ones that i feel justified to go overboard. just consider it a picture book. you remember, like the ones from grade school.



picture if you will (no pun intended) brad pit from "fight club" ("go ahead. hit me as hard as you can"),



picking a fight with milton from "office space" ("i...believe you have my stapler")















all just because poor milton told brad pit that he needed to fix some paper work.



that is basically what i witnessed the other day at work.



good times.



("yes, it was big and red...and you....but he has...my stapler...umm...yes, but...my, my stapler...burn the building down....)