Saturday, November 22, 2014


the following is a conversation i had with a couple of psychiatric patients at my work:

Patient 1 (17 year old female): "How do you spell 'douche'?"

Me: "I think it is 'D-U-C-K'."

Patient 1: [writes down 'D-U-C-K'] "Hmmm, 'doosk'? That doesn't sound right."

Me: "I'm pretty sure that's right."

Patient 1: "Can you look it up and check?"

Me: "Sorry, I don't have a way to look it up right now. Just go with 'D-U-C-K' for now. I'm sure it's right."

Patient 1: "OK, I guess." [long pause] "I'm gonna look it up in my book. I think I have it written down."

Me: "Well, OK, but I'm pretty sure it's 'D-U-C-K'."

Patient 1: [searches through her book for a couple minutes] "I can't find it. I think it is spelled 'D-O-U-C-H-E'." 

Me: "Nah, that's some French word: 'doo-shay'. Trust me, it's 'D-U-C-K'. What is this for, anyway?"

Patient 1: "An assignment for my therapist."

Me: "Oh, OK." [thinking: "awesome"]

Patient 1: [long pause] "Hey, wait a minute, 'D-U-C-K' spells 'duck'."

Me: "What? No, 'duck' is spelled 'D-U-C', not 'D-U-C-K'."

Patient 1: "No, you're having a blonde moment. 'D-U-C-K' spells 'duck'.

Me: "Oh, I see."

Patient 1: "I can't believe you thought 'douche' was spelled 'D-U-C-K'. You're such a blonde. But how do you really spell 'douche'?"

Patient 2 (16 year old female): "Wait, how do you spell 'douche'? That's 'D-O-O-S-H'!"

No comments: