TEACHER! I NEED GO POOPY!

funny story: when i was a kid we had a hard time keeping teachers for sunday school. i dont remember exactly why that was but the following may have had something to do with it. i remember getting to class early one day (along with the other kids) turning off all of the lights and propping a folding chair up against the doorknob. when the teacher came she couldnt get in. we suppressed our laughter enough that she didnt hear us and she went to get help. i dont remember exactly how long it was before we opened the door, but it was a while. and i dont recall them asking where the kids were...hmmm.

we did have one teacher that wised up to our antics and had some...creative solutions. he was short, heavy set, and very bald (he waxed it). i think his philosophy was "if the kids stay in the room it is a successful class." he was mostly successful. one particular boy, named aaron, was... wow i cant think of the word. he was more than a handful (satan in a box?). whenever aaron would get out of line the teacher would sit him next to his chair and put his hand on aaron's head. then he would give aaron a warning "if you move, i'll make you look like me!" sometimes aaron would challenge this warning and try to run away only to be brought back to his place next to the teacher by his golden locks. aaron just made one of those 'half laugh- half cry' sounds. the rest of us were pretty well behaved after that.

well, i got a calling in our ward recently. sunday school president. karma knows no bounds (and it is apparently very patient).

but that isnt the point of this entry. you see i also got a job recently. high school teacher (that's a whole different kind of karma).

the funny thing about becoming a teacher is that i have some friends who are getting their degrees in teaching and i, an exercise science major, beat them to it. and i'm not even teaching P.E. i teach the morning computer classes.

take that karma.

THE LONG AND SHORT OF IT

"i need a drink," "i want to play video games," and "i need go poopy" were all i heard the last two days. (ya, that's a good attention-grabbing intro) you see, on sunday afternoon i got a call from my mother informing me that she, along with my two younger (teenage) brothers were coming down from seattle. its only a 14-15 hour drive, so why not, right? but before they make it to my house they are picking up my older brother's kids. some of you may recall my description of christmas break as this:



my brother's four children, between the ages of 2 and 8, were part of the reason for that description.

dont get me wrong, they are great kids and they are tons of fun to play with (dont worry, we didnt play pass with lil charlie this time). but holy crap im tired. the purpose of the trip was for my younger brother's audition into byu's music program (he is a trumpet player, and yes he is better than me...). so guess who got to take care of the kids while grandma was driving around town ===> ME!

i have baby-sat kids before, it has just been a while. a very long while. a "not since 9th grade" long while. and i was the sort of baby sitter that would just morph into a jungle gym until the kids were too tired to continue running amuck. i didnt mind then, and i really dont mind it now. im just getting old and out of shape, so continuously throwing children over my shoulder onto a pile of couch cushions for three and a half hours just isnt an option anymore.

so what did i do? guitar hero, half-life, world of warcraft, moydie's motorcycle, and pretending to take a nap while standing up. but that only works for so long. i did have to cook up some bbq chicken and hot dogs too. not to mention constantly filling cups with water and pink lemonade, which consequently opened a whole new can of worms: potty training!

let me paint the picture. i finally get the kids interested in a game on my computer (half-life) and adrian (4 years old) is playing while his sister rebecca (8 years old) watches when lil charlie (2 years old) walks in a says "uncle! uncle! i need go peepee! uncle!" to which i reply, "umm, ok." having never done this before, lil charlie describes the process to me. "you hold me! its a big seat! you hold me!" so that's exactly what i did. after washing his hands with soap (which he insisted was actually lotion) we went back to my computer and the other kids were still captivated by the dune buggy armed with a 5omm.

it is at this point that lil charlie notices my bag of pretzels. i give him a handful. not his size handful, my size handful. i figure this will keep him occupied for a while. after eating about three pretzels lil charlie announces "uncle! i need go poopy!" to which i reply "umm, ok." so i grab a paper towel and put the pretzels on it. as we walk to the bathroom lil charlie then says "dont worry! we wont leave you, pretzels!" the 'poopy procedure' and 'peepee procedure' were very similar until the very end. apparently lil charlie is learning the fine art of wiping. fantastic. but the hands of a two year old are only so precise. guess who gets to go in for round two ===> me! afterward he decided to use the 'big soap' instead of the 'lotion soap.'

in related news, this afternoon i am driving up to idaho falls for a family wedding. im hoping the ratio between adults and potty-training toddlers is higher.